btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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