dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
