if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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