brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
