he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
