didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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