so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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