One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
