I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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