I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
