Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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