The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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