All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
