I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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