ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
