I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
