Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
