A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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