I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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