why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
