I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You may now shotgun with the bride
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
