in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
