Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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