A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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