I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
