im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
