She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
