Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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