Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
