we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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