Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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