I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
