Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
