He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
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