i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
