he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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