as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
