i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
