No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
