I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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