Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
