Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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