I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
