He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
