i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
