so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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