We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
