Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
