Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just had sex on a roof
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
