so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
