you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
