At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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