I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Floor bacon is actually really good
he high fived his dick after we had sex
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
