You're my little dorito
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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